When Eric Met Edward
by Lady Doughnuts
Summary: This is a one-shot, set whilst Eric is waiting on Sookie in a clothes shop, where he meet's Edward Cullen. This is the story of their first and only meeting. Rated T with some suggestion. Title Borrowed from "When Harry Met Sally"


**Hello Everyone! It's me again. And I know I said I probably said that I wouldn't have time to update today, but this story has been buzzing around for a while and I just thought I would write it down today. Basically, this story is a "What If" situation, saying what would happen if True Blood's Eric Northman met Twilight's Edward Cullen. **

**Now, anyone that knows me, also knows that I am Team Eric all the way, and also that I have a real dislike for the Twilight Vampires – well, mainly just Edward, but I thought this would be fun to write. **

**Disclaimer: Neither Twilight or True Blood belong to me. All rights to their owners. **

EPOV

"So, what do you think of this, Eric?" Sookie asked me, stepping out of the changing room at our local Primark Outlet. She was wearing a little black dress, which came down the length of her knees and enclosed her breasts perfectly. She looked incredible.

"You look gorgeous, lover, you really do." I told her, and she blushed. I went instantly hard. Oh. God. This woman really was going to kill me!

"So, do you think I should get this dress or not? I mean, it's not exactly expensive but I just don't know if I really need it. Although, I could do with a new dress if I am going to be going to Fangtasia to sit with you. But, I just don't know. What is your thoughts Eric ... you have gone awfully quiet" Sookie questioned, her words hard to make out – even for a vampire like me.

"I most defiantly think you should get it, lover. I will most certainly enjoy ripping it off of you." I smirked, enjoying the fact that I could see that her blush extended the whole way down to her breasts.

"Come here, lover" I said after a few seconds, extending my arms to her.

She quickly hurried forward in her bare feet stretching up to meet my lips in an urgent, passionate kiss. I wasted no time in sliding my arms down her back to grope her backside, and I felt Sookie move her hands to into my hair. Things were just beginning to get interesting whenever I heard someone clear their throat behind me. To use Pam's expression – What The Fuck? What idiot tries to interrupt me, the infamous Eric Northman whenever he is kissing his girlfriend, his lover, his little one? But, I tried not to let it get to me, and I just ignored it.

Unfortunately this buck eedjit just didn't know when to stop. He interrupted me again. saying, "Excuse me, but would you mind getting out of the way, so that my beloved girlfriend can get past to, into the changing rooms" the idiot had some nerve.

"Yes, I would mind getting out of the way, I am trying to kiss _my girlfriend _in case you haven't noticed." I snapped at him. Sookie just sighed and stepped out of the way, pulling me with her.

"Don't mind him, he's just annoyed" Sookie apologised, shooting me a nasty look. And here was us having such a great time earlier – well, we could have been having more fun at home, but this was just as enjoyable, or at least, that was what I told myself anyways.

Seeing that there was petty nothing I could do to salvage this situation, I sighed and sat down in one of the ridiculously large, uncomfortable and probably over priced chairs outside of the changing rooms. To my immense displeasure, I noticed that the _doofus _who had dared to interrupt me, sat in the chair directly opposite me.

"Ugh" I said aloud, giving him the stink eye, which he must have either ignored or just simply did not see.

"Hello there, my name is Edward Cullen" the stranger in front of me said, and extended his hand towards me. I took a few moments to take him in. His face was extremely pale – even paler than mine and he had liquid gold eyes. He also reeked of otherness, I couldn't quite place it but he most definitely wasn't human.

"Eric Northman, and what the bloody hell are you?" I said, confused as to what exactly this _man _in front of me was. I didn't bother to extend my hand out to him, and once this Edward realised that I wasn't going to, he withdrew his arm and set it back into his lap, as if he were protecting his ball sack. I was nearly shaking with laughter whenever I noticed this.

"I am a vampire" he told me. Ha. Right. I am also the Virgin Queen of England, although, by the time I was through with her, she most defiantly was not England's only Virgin Queen.

"Aha of course you are." I told him.

"No, really, I am" he answered.

"No, you asswad, I am a vampire. In fact, I am the Vampire Sherriff of Area 5, Louisiana, so if you were a vampire staying in this area for any length of area, I would know it. Also, you don't smell like a vampire" I answered, growing more and more impatient.

"We must be different kinds of vampire" the cockblock answered.

"Alright, let's pretend I buy that theory ... tell me about some of your characteristics .. _vampire _" I questioned.

"So ... what do you want to know about first?" he said, just as Sookie was coming out of the changing room, with her dress hung over one of her arms. She sat right down on my lap. Much to Edward's displeasure.

"Your fangs. Let me see them" I said, curious as to his answer.

"We don't have fangs." he answered.

"Excuse me?"

"We don't have fangs. Our teeth are just extra strong."

"OK .. that is a little weird ... what about your weaknesses ..."

"Our kind don't have any"

"Bullshit ... Sunlight burns us"

"What is happening here, Eric" Sookie questioned. Poor thing must be confused.

"Lover ... this asshat is trying to convince me that he is a vampire, but so far, all that he has told me is that he doesn't have any fangs and that he has no weaknesses." I answered.

"It may burn you to a crisp, but it has little effect on me. In fact, it makes me sparkle"

I howled out in laughter at that. "Sparkle, that is bloody hilarious."

"I fail to see how that is funny"

"Ok ... silver ... surely it must also burn you?"

"No, it has no effect on me whatsoever."

"What about blood, surely you drink blood?" Sookie questioned.

"Yes, but my family are vegetarians"

"Vegetarians?" Sookie continued, smirking.

"Yes, we drink only from animals"

I just raised my eyebrows. He really was an asshat.

"Well, my Viking here, only drinks from me, so you two are sorta similar in that way." Sookie said, stretching up to kiss me on the lips. I quickly reprociprated.

_Thirty Minuites Later ... _

Once we were finally able to tear ourselves away from each other, I immediately saw that Edward was trying to avert his eyes.

"Ah, so I guess you vampire type doesn't like watching other people kiss, go down on each other or most defiantely not fuck?" I asked, thoroughly enjoying this. I had just embarrassed him thoroughly.

"No, I'm not entirely comfortable watching other people fuck each other" he answered.

"Huh. Any other vampire I have met would extremely enjoy that." Sookie said.

"Well, no self respecting vampire would" Edward snarled at him.

"How Dare You Snarl At Me. You Are Not My Father. And You Sound Curiously Like Bill Compton." Sookie growled at him.

"Sooo, now that my lover has made her point, I want to get the hell out of here so that I can fuck her into oblivion." I said to him, because the erection I was no sporting was now extremely sore. "But, there is one thing that I want to say to you, Edward Cullen, you are a pussy. You sparkle in the sunlight, which is just gay, you aren't allergic to either sunlight or silver and you drink cat blood. You need to come out of the closet my dear friend. You could join my dear friend Bill Compton. You could share your experiences with him. Here is his number. Call it for a good time." I grinned , before dragging my lover out of the shop.

The End

**So what did you think? Review and let me know, even if you are reading it six months after I post it! **

**MsCathywilson. **


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